15
Nov
08

Review of Palin’s Week of Media Whore-ing

Holy jeez, guys, did ya catch Governor (gag) Palin all over airwaves this week? Didja? Well, I did and wanted to wtf-alaskatake a few minutes ta brag that lady up…I sure did there. Well, maybe not brag. Maybe just sorta take a lil’ looksee at what she had to offer this good ‘ol USofA- the real American TV watchers.

Perhaps you can tell my IQ has dipped a cool 30. Even my over-a-decade-long love affair with Mr. Hops and his friend, Roasted Barley, couldn’t dampen my intellect as much as listening to Mrs. Sarah. (In fact, Mr. Hops, you sweet thang, you’ve probably killed those wickedly weak brain cells, right? Right?)

Palin’s like the movie Poltergeist. I can just feel her sucking my smarts through the boob-tube with each, “I’m just prayin’ to God to show me the open door so I can plow right through it.” AAahhhh!!! Shut UP! I’m getting dumber as I listen to you and yet…I…Can’t…Stop!! It’s irresistible – listening to a person who is that unable to say anything coherent or substantive and yet has been elected GOVERNOR. What has the fucking world come to? I shudder to ask myself.

“As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?” –Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC’s “Kudlow & Co”, July 2008

This past week, Palin has faced Greta, Matt Lauer, Wolf Blizter, Larry King. She has held a press conference and given a speech at the Republican Governor’s Association summit in Florida. Chatty Cathy spoke for hours and answered every question, or attempted to, gave prepared statements and among all that verbosity said absolutely nothing.

“I have not, and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you.” –Sarah Palin, after being asked if she had never met a foreign head of state, despite the fact that every vice president in the last 32 years had met a foreign head of state prior to taking office, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

It was laughable when Wolf asked her if she thought the Big Three should get a chunk of the bailout. I dunno… Then he asked her if she had a new ideas regarding the fate of the Republican Party. I’ll have to get backtooya on that one there. Let me get this straight…She’s supposed to be the defacto leader of the Repubs and has not one new strategy – not one?! Even Pawlenty said the Repubs need an energy policy beyond “drill, baby, drill” and need to be more inclusive. What a fucking genius. They’re in good hands.

She said a couple times she grew irritated when Katie Couric asked her what she read and she thought The same thing you do in the lower 48, duh! She acted as though the question was a slam against Alaska. Dumbass! During Obama’s first press conference as president-elect, a reporter asked him what he was reading and he responded he was rereading Lincoln’s speeches. Maybe it’s just me, but if you want to get within’ fifty miles of the White House, you should be able to offer the titles of books or newspapers or websites or a freaking Sunday morning cartoon that you have read recently.

“You’ll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans.” –Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008

Palin even indicated that her irritation with Katie Couric was the likely reason her performance during the interview was judged so poorly and that she didn’t want to simply regurgitate memorized lines provided to her by the McCain handlers. Now, this struck me as a little fibby. Mostly due the fact that she repeated the same answers to every interviewer she faced this past week. She spewed that “open door” lunacy quite a few times. After being asked if she would appoint herself senator should Ted Stevens step down if elected, she asserted again and again that she was not a dictator and she had a contract with the people of Alaska as their governor. And when the attention inevitably turned to the elephant in the room – 2012, her mantra was that she would do what was in the best interest of her kids, her state and her nation. She had those lines pretty memorized…

“Absolutely. Yup, yup.” –Sarah Palin after being asked by People magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency

It was also friggin’ nuts when she claimed to eschew partisanship when she put together her cabinet of “the best of the best.” Hmm, again, this sounds like less than the whole truth. Or completely unrelated to the truth in every way. According to the L.A. Times, nearly 1 in 4 of her appointees were donors to her campaign. All five of her appointees to the Natural Gas Development Authority were donors. Her appointment to the Board of Agriculture and Conservation was a school friend, donor and real estate agent. Hmmm. The Board of Public Accountancy and the Local Boundary Commission were – again – all donors. I’m sensing a theme here. The state’s agriculture division is headed by a schoolmate, and former real estate agent, who indicated her love as cows as one of her qualifications. The attorney general is a small-time Wasilla lawyer who has little management experience. Now, where I’m from, that’s called “cronyism” and the L.A. Times says that the inexperience of her cabinet is unprecedented. Best of the best, my ass.

“I’m very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that.” –Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state’s ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008

She did feel the need to attack the media and I thought it was really cute when she said had been a journalist and wanted to help them once again achieve credibility. And as a governor who uses personal email for state business in order to sidestep freedom of information laws, she doesn’t really seem to have much credibility herself. Also, attacking the media has never been a successful strategy. Just ask the Clintons and McCain after his media “base” turned on him! Naughty media. She insisted they never wanted to correct their mistakes and cited their main attack as claiming Trig was Bristol’s baby. The MSM never made that claim – but reported that blogs were erroneously made that statement. Furthermore, even Todd said there was very little TV time while they were campaigning. Perhaps she should have watched a bit more before throwing around false accusations. Just an idea.

palins-futureShe also claimed bloggers were in their pajamas in their parents’ basements. Now, I struggle not to take this personally and probably would if she didn’t show up to the RGA summit with bedhead and has little comprehension of sentence structure. And Rush Limbaugh is basically a blogger who doesn’t know how to type, has delusions of grandeur and is a drug addict – yet Palin loves his chubby cheeks, doesn’t she? Palin would do well to remember that the Obama campaign’s online efforts help deliver him the presidency. And who’s online? Oh yeah! Bloggers. And we don’t have basements in Texas. Biotch.

“I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.” –Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008

I know she’s trying to rehabilitate her image after it took a pounding during the campaign. How funny that the Republican Govs had a get-together this week, leaving Palin little time for strategy-planning and boning up on policy. Her weakness is palpably blood in the water and all the other power-hungry govs would probably rather scratch her face off then watch her run away with their precious little base. The evolution of the Republican party will be unendingly interesting to watch in the next few years. And, regarding Palin, I just have one thing to say:

Baby jesus, please hear me just this once. I don’t know what doors you been openin’ for lil’ Miss Palin, but for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, shut them!! Shut them now before she sucks us all into her vortex of white-trashy ineptitude. Please!

*Quotations from politicalhumor.about.com

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