I just returned from a week-long jaunt to Vegas, newly married and found this on my television screen:
This is the “Teen Princess Dress” from the FLDS Dress website. That’s right. They’re selling their freaky 19th-century cult garb. Wow.
I mean, part of me wants to buy one. I already have an Islamic chador my friend got me from a market in the UAE and a beautifully embroidered Indian wedding sari I used as window drapery. I suppose I could start a collection of religious garb, but that would be creepy. Still, the idea of wearing one of these FLDS dresses for Halloween is almost irresistible. However, no dreams of once again taking first prize in the costume contest will convince me to place an order (last year, I took home the gold by dressing up as Chris Farley in the Lunch-Lady SNL sketch. I rocked it hard).
First of all, the smallest size they have is 8A. Now, I have no idea how freaky-cult 8A compares to the Real World size 8. Secondly, size 8A runs a cool $72.53. I don’t think if there is a god that it would want anyone to spend that kind of dough just to look chaste. Not with these gas prices. I mean, buy a sheet, cut a hole in the middle for your head and put a belt around it, for chrissakes.
Lastly, and most obvious, I take voting with the dollar seriously and will not support an intolerant, closed cult that practices sexual abuse and tax evasion (among many other crimes, I’m sure), refuses to educate the female members properly, is secretive and follows the late psychopath Joseph Smith. Not for any Halloween prize even if it’s really, really awesome.
UPDATE: 7.24.08 – Sen. Harry Reid calls polygamist sects organized crime organizations. “The lawless conduct of polygamous communities in the United States deserves national attention and federal action.” Finally, these cults are receiving the labels they deserve that will hopefully focus law enforcement attention more closely on the activities of these sects.