Why Does Baby Jesus Hate Iowa?

Pat Robertson, referring to the 9/11 attacks said, “We have allowed rampant secularism and occult, et cetera, to be broadcast on television. We have permitted somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 to 40 million unborn babies to be slaughtered in our society. We have a Court that has essentially stuck its finger in God’s eye and said, ‘We’re going to legislate you out of the schools, we’re going to take your Commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states, we’re not going to let little children read the Commandments of God, we’re not going to let the Bible be read — no prayer in our schools.’ We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And, then we say ‘why does this happen?’ Well, why its happening is that God Almighty is lifting His protection from us.”

Jerry Falwell said to Pat Roberston on the 9/11 attacks, “And, I know that I’ll hear from them for this. But, throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say “you helped this happen.”

John Hagee said, in response to Hurricane Katrina, “All hurricanes are acts of God because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God and they were recipients of the judgment of God for that.”

Okay. Big bad things happen to bad people. Gotcha.

iowa flood

My question is, why is god mad at Iowa? A very Christian state, I find it surprising that Iowa is experiencing record floods following a plague of tornadoes. Johnson County Emergency Management spokesman Mike Sullivan said, “This is our version of Katrina.” Psalm 148:7-8 says, “Praise the LORD from the earth, Sea monsters and all deeps; Fire and hail, snow and clouds; Stormy wind, fulfilling His word.”

So, Iowa, what’d you do? Perhaps Robertson and Hagee will speak up and give us some insight into this matter since they seem to be so insightful. Alas, Falwell cannot share with us his opinion cause he’s already with Baby Jesus.

Now Baby Jesus is mad. Mad at Iowa. But why?

A quick Google search offers up some ideas:

  • Ethanol subsidies (Huffpo comment by jsarets)
  • Giving Obama an early lead in the primaries (Google Groups)
  • Punishing the scouts for their homophobia (Yahoo India – have to click on the hidden answers)
  • Birthin’ up Tom Arnold (Craiglist comment)
  • It’s just the weather (Rachel Griffiths on Daily Kos)

I don’t think we’ll truly know the answer until one of the esteemed men of god who have such a direct connection with the almighty ask Him to give them the 411. You can email John Hagee Ministries here and ask him, like I did, why god hates Iowa and maybe that will help focus his discussions with god on this topic (you have to fill in your phone number and, fyi, 968-7825 translates into “you suck”).

In the meantime, let’s just hope that Baby Jesus sees fit to let those 36,000 naughty people back into their homes.

9 Responses to “Why Does Baby Jesus Hate Iowa?”

  1. June 17, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    The brainwashed duped masses that buy this Fundie nutball garbage have vacated their critical thinking abilities. Hagee claims that Hitler was a hunter sent by God to chase the Jews out of Europe, yet he is lauded by AIPAC and other Jewish organizations. The idiots that give money to these idiots deserve to be lied to.

    Life is hard. Life is harder when you are stupid – John Wayne (paraphrased)

  2. 2 jujubug
    June 17, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    Okay, I know God is control of all things and He can stop a storm if He wants to. I do not believe, however, that He is viewing this storm as a way to punish Iowa. Looking at it from the open door point of view (Matthew 7:7) couldn’t this be a beautiful opportunity for Iowa to truly show how well we do love our nieghbors and reach out in a time of need? Couldn’t this be a time when we make sure our treasures are truly stored up in Heaven and not here within the walls of our homes (Luke 22:33-34)?

    God let Job’s entire life fall apart simply to show Satan that Job truly did love God. Using the argument that God uses weather, death, or illness to punish His children is obsurd. Every move that God makes is simply another opportunity for us to trust Him, have faith, and believe that His plan is perfect (Hebrews 12:2).

    Jesus is sadened when we are pessimstic about life. Look at Lazarus. Jesus could have healed Lazarus before he died, but He didn’t. But Thomas, Martha, and Mary were all so focused on thier loss that they couldn’t see what God was about to do through the pain (John 11:16-44)

    People, we have to stop believing what we see and hear on the TV and radio as fact and do a little research ourselves. The entire point of having the freedom to education and speech was that we wouldn’t let ourselves be driven just by what “famous” or “well-spoken” people had to say. We have to stop taking things for grantid. If you are going to have faith, have faith, but build it on your own personal relationship with God and not what someone is says has been spoken through them. Pray, read your Bibles, be in fellowship, be in studies, but don’t just go on what someone else says.

  3. 3 jujubug
    June 17, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    Sorry, wrong bible quote there at Hebrews 12:2, I meant Romans 12:2.

    My bad!

  4. 4 josephudo
    June 17, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    No state is true to God. No nation is true to God. We have done all of this ourselves. As in any war, innocent people are hurt. God sometimes has to take life to give life, like properly disciplining a child.

  5. 5 Marc
    June 18, 2008 at 12:46 pm


    I think your article shows a overboiling of anger at living in the Bible Belt. Also, this is silly. We all know this is just the provoked wrath of Carl Levin for letting Iowa go first in the primaries.

    Also jujubug, not to be a nitpicker but i believe that the devil actually challenged God’s belief in Job, and God said he was game for an experiment. or at least that was my understanding.

  6. June 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    marc,marc,marc – i’m not overboiling with anger. i’m overboiling with sarcasm. i’m cajun. it’s in my nature. we laugh through the pain (or at it).

  7. 7 Paige
    June 18, 2008 at 10:10 pm


    That was my impression too (about Job). We read it in our AP English class in a public high school (gasp!)many, MANY years ago. That was the one book of the Bible that sealed forever my disworship (for lack of a better term) of a god based in the Judeo-Christian model. (Of course, in that class I also made a case for the morality of Kurtz in Heart of Darkness, so maybe I am an outlier.)

  8. 8 jujubug
    June 19, 2008 at 6:00 am

    The devil did challenge Job’s belief and God was game because He was confident that Job would still honor and worship God. The devil brought those calamities on Job and when Job still thanked God in his misery the devil kept uping the stakes with God. However, my point was that God wasn’t the one causing Job’s misfortune. He allowed the events to unfold trusting that Job would come through. God allows events to occur in our life because he knows that our experiences can make us stronger, good or bad.

  9. 9 Chris
    June 29, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    NOT MUCH of this World is very Christian, There are almost no True Christians. God calls his Church the Little Flock!, Why is that? Well Almost no one who says they are Christian Keeps BOTH the Sabbath(7th day) and the Holydays(NOT Easter or Christmas which are pagan) as well as many other statutes, they say that Paul did away with them. The Very first thing Jesus warned about at the end times was FALSE TEACHER lets take a look. (NKJV)Matthew 24:4 – And Jesus answered and said to them: “Take heed that no one decieves you. “For MANY will come in MY NAME, saying ‘I am the Christ,’ and will decieve MANY. WHAT?!?!?! Did you Read that “MANY” He said. They will say that Jesus was the Christ and will DECIEVE MANY. How can they do that? Arnt the commandments done away with? Absolutely NOT. Lets take a look at what Jesus says about that. Matthew 5:18 – “For assuredly, I say to you, till HEAVEN and EARTH pass away one jot or or one tittle WILL BY NO MEANS pass from the LAW(TEN COMMANDMENTS) till all is fullfilled. What did He Say?!?! “NO MEANS”!! NOT EVEN PAUL!, Well, what could be the explanation of misunderstanding Pauls writings? Lets look at what Peter Has to say about this. 2 Peter 3:(15-16) – … as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, has written to you, as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of things, in which are some things HARD TO UNDERSTAND, which UNTAUGHT AND UNSTABLE PEOPLE TWIST TO THEIR OWN DESTRUCTION as they do also THE REST OF THE SCRIPTURES. WOW!, That pretty straight forward.
    IF you would like to learn more about True Christianity Visit http://www.tomorrowsworld.org or http://www.lcg.org.

    In Love,

    or you can email me at kkconbtt@hotmail.com

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