Hillary Is The New Huckabee

Doesn’t it seem like eons ago that we were (perhaps I should say “I was”) thinking what a tool Huckabee was for staying in the Republican Primary when it was clear McCain was going to bring it home? Speculative theories were tossed around among those of us without television careers as to what could possibly motivate such a political buffoon to stay in a race he had so handily lost. My Republican associates (ahem, family members) conjectured that a continued Republican contest would keep them in the news and relevant as the battle between Obama and Hillary threatened to eclipse their party’s attempt to retain The White House.

Personally, I felt Huckabee was simply a media whore trying to ensure he had a post-election spotlight to bask in once his ridiculous run for leader of the free world (can we even call the president that anymore?) was over. I still think this is the case.

Moving on. We now have another candidate who has cement ear plugs and is shouting inanity about electability to drown out the fat lady’s aria, “Reality.” Granted, I suspect Hillary is staying in the race until May 20, when Oregon and Kentucky hold their primaries. She’ll have won West Virginia (May 13), satiating her political ego enough to leave while declaring victory. It’s still fun to see her practice one of her best skills, lying, as she continues to claim her intentions to be the president. Eating crow is certainly not her strong suit and I doubt she’ll sidle up to the table and order a serving. It’s all very delicious to watch.

As the superdelegates slowly meander over to Obama’s side, I’m reminded of the childhood game Kick the Can (was this only played in the South? If you don’t know what it is, you can visit the Wiki entry on it). The supers don’t want to get too much attention and risk maddening their electorate or alienating their colleagues, so they bide their time, hide in the shadows and – just when it’s safe, when no one’s watching – BAM! They sprint to the Obama can, giving it a swift punt and saving themselves from the evil nighttime troll of political regret.

The next two weeks will be fun. More fun than if she just packed up after Indiana/North Carolina. I’ll relish watching the charade, hearing criticisms of her continued candidacy and punditry ponderings of her campaign loans and losing the primary just as she had begun to truly resonate as a candidate (by mimicking George Bush). It’s almost a reward for those of us who feel an almost-desperation to have the Republicans banished, ending their ruinous rule, and yet have to sit powerless in front of the spectacle of Democratic cannibalism.

I will repeat, potentially for the last time, I never took issue with Hillary remaining in the race. I took issue with her praising McCain over Obama and the unwarranted attacks she and her husband lobbed for the sake of ambition. Well, the stakes are too high this year to put up with such divisive tactics. And political karma, for once in a long while, is rearing its necessary head and decapitating the deserving. So now, that’s all Hillary is. A chicken with its head cut off. Just like Huckabee was a couple months ago. Ain’t life grand?


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