Maybe if I’d gotten picked to actually sit on a jury, I’d have had a good time proportioning justice as my civil duty requires. We have crime here in Tarrant County! Hell, every time Cops is on, it always says Fort Worth Police Department. You’d think we were in Compton with the amount of episodes Cops devotes to this town. One time, when I lived in Austin and was at a dance club, a man approached my girlfriends and me, asking if we had any ecstasy. One of my girlfriends read him the riot act and shooed him away. She was a goody-two shoes. One time, she accidentally ate a pot-brownie and thought she was going to die. Apparently, this dance club was the ecstasy hot-spot in Austin, but we were unawares never having delved greatly into the rave scene. Later, we saw the man exiting the club followed by some po-po and a camera crew. Cops. I could have been famous, daddy! If only I’d had some ecstasy…. I stayed away from it after one of my girlfriends had sex with this guy on a pool table in the middle of a party after taking some when were in high school. When we were in college, she used to snort cocaine on the end of a key and shout, “I’m king of the world!” Titanic had just come out. Strangely, I felt the need to stay away from cocaine because of her, too. She was a good friend.
Anyway, back to jury duty – it was lame. This crazy man was running the metal detector and x-ray machine by himself and kept yelling at people to walk through the machine normally, not too fast or too slow. This was interesting because when I lived in Oklahoma City (as punishment for a crime in a past life, no doubt), I went to the court house there and nary was a metal detector present. I didn’t think anyone was going to pop a cap in my ass, but still…I saw some angry people. This morning, I forgot I had my little Swiss Army key chain knife, but the mean metal detector dude said it was small enough and I get to keep it. It’s only $12, but I would have been pissed to have it taken away.
Once I checked in, we waited for a couple of hours in this big room. I brought The Prometheus Deception by Robert Ludlum to read. It’s pretty good, so far. Then we’re told all the cases were dismissed and this judge – who does not look like a judge – comes in and tells us the cases were settled because the parties involved knew we jurors were ready with our impartial verdict! What a crock.
Then we collected our 10 bucks cash and were free to go with certificate in hand that says we don’t have to attend jury duty for two more years. I still might go if I get a summons by mistake – but don’t tell anyone.
And, btw, all you people who believe illegal immigrants will be the downfall of this country, no one checked my I.D. Not once. I could have been this undocumented, illegal Irish immigrant with an uncanny American accent and served on a jury! The horror!!