Huckabee Plays to the Bass

Can anyone tell me how Huckabee playing bass guitar with really wretched (and I mean terrible) cover bands will help the man in his futile quest to become leader of the free world? This morning, he was playing “Brown-eyed Girl” and now I’ll never be able to listen to that song again without thinking about how a Dumbo with a degree in religion can become a viable U.S. presidential candidate because he’s read the bible more than your average schmo and has the most theocratic policies of all the tom, dick and hillaries in the race.

Really. Who gives a shit that the man can play bass? And if you think that the most important policy on which to base your vote for president is that he would force poor people across the land to have babies they can’t afford, while reducing access to sex education and condoms, better health care, and poverty-reducing programs such as literacy campaigns, you deserve to be robbed by that would-have-been-aborted-fetus after it grows up to a life of drugs and crime. Or you deserve to pay for its health care after it become an obese, poor adult forced to have babies of it’s own.

The realities (actual realities, not philosophical realities) of the impending results of policies of this man should, in the considerations of voters, far outweigh his attempt to gain a few “cool” points by playing bass. Of course, the man deserves to try to improve his coolness or whatever after having been born to a name like Huckabee. God must have been really mad at him for whatever he did in his past life to give him a name like Huckabee and a wife who looks a lot like Shrek. Seriously, that woman should never wear green.


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